On the Read Again
This might be a breakthrough...
Something’s happening to me: I’m reading books again!
In the past month, I started and finished two different books. I read every word on every page and didn’t abandon the story halfway through. At first I was worried this was just a fluke, but now I’m halfway through a third book and also started on a fourth.
What is going on with my brain?? For the longest time I’ve found it next to impossible to focus on "chapter books” — literally any kind of full-length novel, memoir, or work of nonfiction. And yet I’m still a chronic book hoarder.
I had to force myself to stop buying new books from my local bookstore since I have nowhere to put them (and I was also spending waaaay too much money on stuff I wasn’t using). However, I’ve allowed myself to keep a large, unread pile of library books on the coffee table at all times, since I know those don’t cost a thing and will eventually disappear.
I’m not exactly sure what made the switch flip in my brain, but I do think having a rotating pile of new-to-me books helped me get interested in reading again. Like most people, I like novelty. Having many titles to choose from made it easier to try reading whatever seemed interesting that day. For a while my brain flirted with the idea of actually finishing one of the books I started, but I didn’t succeed for several months.
Then, sometime around when the weather started getting warm again, I finally did it. I tore through the novel Worry by Alexandra Tanner in about a week. I was shocked how easy it was — and how much I enjoyed it. Every morning I woke up and wanted to read just to find out what would happen next. I forgot what it felt like to be excited about a book!
After Worry, I finished a memoir by hospice nurse Hadley Vlahos called The In Between. I loved that book so much when I started it that I recommended it to several people, but it was tough to finish. Part of that was due to the heavy nature of the subject matter, which discussed the realities of end-of-life care. I often felt like I needed to take a day or so between stories to digest everything.
But still, I finished it! And then a few weeks later, I jumped into another collection of essays called Congratulations, the Best is Over! by R. Eric Thomas, who has a certain sense of humor that just gets me hooked. I’m about halfway through that book right now, and I’m also starting on Matrix by Lauren Groff.
All the while I’m wondering to myself: what changed? Why does reading suddenly feel easier now than it did even a few months ago?
I have a few hypotheses. Though in truth, I think it’s really a combination of these factors that caused a change:
1. I started reading things I’m genuinely interested in
After I graduated college and started my first job, I wanted to be seen as a “well-read” individual or something (cue eye-roll) so I’d try to read a lot of nonfiction even when I wasn’t at my day job as a staff journalist (where I basically read and wrote nonfiction all day). That proved to be a total waste of time. The last thing I wanted to do when I got off the clock was think about anything important.
It dawned on me after a while that maaaaybe I should try to read fun things. So I picked up more graphic novels, which were exciting and easy to get through. Then, I moved on to memoir and personal essays, which are also super fun to read. And finally, I’ve started trying to read fiction, but mostly contemporary stuff that isn’t too complex.
And guess what? No one is keeping score of how “well-read” I am. No one cares if I’ve read Pride and Prejudice or if I have a copy of Infinite Jest taking up half the space on one of my bookshelves. I can enjoy a manga series or a light beach read without trying to stuff my brain into a shoebox.
2. I let go of the idea that I had to be a fast reader
Honestly, one of my biggest barriers to finishing books is that they just. take. so. long. I can sit and watch a two-and-a-half-hour movie (i.e. Goodfellas this past weekend), but for some reason spending that same amount of time reading a book is just torturous.
So, I’ve come to accept that I might not be built like the people on BookTok who seem to be able to read a novel in one sitting. But if I give myself time — like, several weeks — I can usually get through a book. I might only be reading a chapter a day, but I know I can get to the end if I pace myself.
The only exception is if a book doesn’t capture my attention. In that case…
3. I learned to give up on books I didn’t care about
Seriously, life is too damn short to read stuff that isn’t interesting. If you’re just reading for pleasure and a book isn’t pleasant to read, there’s literally no reason to keep going.
I don’t think it’s noble to suffer through a book unless you have a really good reason to do it. No one’s watching. The librarians also have no idea, nor do they give a crap, if the book you checked out three weeks ago is one you never finished.
4. I took a break from book clubs
Book clubs are an amazing way to get to know new people and discuss interesting topics. But if you’re like me, you might find them unnecessarily stressful.
For one, having to read a book by a certain date makes it feel like I have a deadline, which makes the book club feel like work. I’ve found that reading needs to not feel like work in order for me to do it, so I’m rarely successful at actually reading the material for the book club before it happens.
I was going to my friend’s monthly book club for a while (you know who you are!), but after some time it started to stress me out because I felt like showing up to the meeting meant I had an assignment due. It was nothing against the group — we always had interesting discussions and everyone was super kind — but I felt like my own brain was the problem. In order to repair my relationship with reading, I needed to take the pressure off.
(BTW, if you’re interested in books related to climate change and the environment and want to virtually meet with a cool group of people every month, let me know and I’ll send you the deets.)
5. I started spending less time on social media
I used to a be a Twitter fiend in the days before Elon took over, but slowly stopped using it in early 2023. It was only after disconnecting that I realized how exhausted, angry, and anxious being on there made me feel. Getting off Twitter honestly did wonders for my mental health.
But in my post-Twitter life I still had internet FOMO. So I turned to Instagram, where I posted to a personal account and a fashion account. I was sharing outfit pics nearly every day on my fashion account, but after a while that started feeling like a chore. I was also buying way too much stuff and knew I needed to cut ties, especially after I lost my job last year.
So that led me to ween off Instagram, which I’ve recently stopped using all the time (for the most part). I no longer post on my fashion account (RIP) but I do spend time on my personal account — though my activity comes in spurts. I just don’t find Instagram all that interesting anymore and it’s really just become a platform to send messages to people and look at memes.
I’m finding that this disconnect from social media has made me a lot more interested in things going on in the actual world around me. For example … books. If there are books on my coffee table, I’m a lot more likely to pick one up rather than sit on my phone and scroll when I have a quiet moment.
That’s a huge change in my life. I’m hoping it sticks, because it’s a lot more mindful and satisfying than the endless scroll.
6. I’ve accepted that reading books is just a habit I will need to build
Re-learning to read books is a process that takes a long time. I think I was in denial about that for a bit, since I do read every day — though my job requires me to read much shorter publications like news articles and research papers.
In some ways, reading books is like running long distances. You can technically lace up your shoes and try to power through ten miles, but you’ll feel terrible. Chances are you probably won’t even make it half that far if you haven’t run in a long time.
Instead, the much smarter way to build endurance is to start small. You can just run a mile, maybe two, during the first run. You can run that distance for many weeks to get used to how it feels. Then, when you feel ready, you can add on a third mile, and a fourth. Or you can just run short distances forever — it’s up to you!
So instead of reading a whole book in a few hours, I just try to read a chapter. Maybe two if it’s a weekend. One day I might find myself tearing through entire novels in a weekend, but also maybe I’ll just be a casual reader who reads a chapter or two at a time. All that matters is if I enjoy it enough to keep the habit going.
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