I got my ears pierced for the first time when I was 11 or 12 years old. The whole idea of poking needles through my lobes freaked me out at first, but all my friends were doing it and they got to wear cute earrings to school.
If every other tween girl could tolerate the pain of getting permanently stabbed with tiny sterling silver posts, then I decided I could, too. I mustered up the courage to ask my mom to take me to Claire’s, where nearly everyone my age went to get their first piercing.
Mom agreed to take me. But her word wasn’t the end of it. When my dad found out I wanted an ear piercing, he got super angry.
“No way,” he told me. (That’s the briefest, most tame way I can sum up his reaction.)
I remember storming up to my room in frustration and sulking about it. Mostly, I was mad that I wouldn’t be able to get my ears pierced like all my friends. But I was also upset that dad hadn’t even given me an explanation as to why he said what he said.
I found out later though, once he’d cooled down. In short, dad was worried that if I got one earlobe piercing, I’d suddenly want to pierce literally every other square inch of my body. (Talk about ANXIETY!)
He showed me pictures online of people with lip rings, massive gauges in their ears, tongue piercings, and just about any other type of body modification you can imagine (minus the X-rated ones). Keep in mind, these were piercings that I didn’t even know were possible at that age.
I said something like, “Eww! Dad, no! I’d never do that!” It was such a weird accusation to my tween brain. Like, I’d only recently come to terms with the idea of getting my ears pierced — what made him think I wanted to pierce anything else?
Anyway, I think you all can guess how this story ends: Dad caved after seeing my reaction, and mom took me to Claire’s after all.
I remember sitting in the cushy piercing chair and feeling nervous, while mom and my best friend Kelly held my hands for support. The store associate poked two glittering, cubic zirconia gemstones through my earlobes with a device that looked a bit like a stapler — and just like that, my ears were pierced.
For many years afterward, I had no desire to pierce anything ever again. A large part of that had to do with the fear of disappointing my parents. But I also just didn’t see the appeal of the body piercings, like belly button rings and nose studs, that were trendy as I got into high school.
Things changed in college, though. I began to grasp more fully that piercings and tattoos were just another method of self-expression, like wearing makeup or cutting your hair. And that everyone had different preferences when it came to their personal appearance — not everyone was repulsed by gauges or tongue piercings like my dad was. Some people actually thought they looked cool!
As for me, I started to like the look of ear cartilage piercings on other people, but wasn’t sure if I’d ever have the courage to get one myself. I wasn’t sure if it really felt like “me,” since I’ve been self conscious of my ears for a long time.
That might sound like a silly body part to dislike, but I’ve always thought my ears looked too big because they stick out from my head more than other people’s. There was even a guy in middle school who insisted on calling me “elfie” because he said I had elf ears? (I cringe just thinking about it.)
Anyway, I was worried for a while that getting more piercings would draw more attention to my ears, which would be a bad thing. I felt that way for many years, wanting to shrink from the attention of others.
But over time, I stopped caring what other people thought. I think this attitude naturally comes with age for most of us, but for me it was exacerbated by the fact that my dad died when I was 20. Suddenly his opinion on piercings wasn’t one I had to worry about anymore.
On the first anniversary of his death, in 2019, I went and got four piercings at once. A second lobe piercing and a cartilage piercing right above it; two in each ear. I went alone to the mall, and grit my teeth while the associate at Piercing Pagoda used the stapler on both my ears. Dad would totally hate this, I thought.
But something about getting those piercings on his death anniversary helped me find my footing at a time when life didn’t really make sense. It was a decision I made all on my own; one I had complete control over. I wasn’t really influenced by my peers or what my parents thought was appropriate, which gave me confidence and a renewed sense of independence.
And honestly, getting those new piercings made me feel super cool. Somewhere along the way, I decided that drawing attention to my ears might actually help me appreciate them a little more, especially if I could decorate them with fun jewelry.
Then two years later for my birthday, in 2021, I got two more piercings in my left ear. One above the other three I already had, and the other at the top of my ear — a helix piercing.
I’ve honestly worn the same jewelry in those two upper piercings for the past two and a half years. The reason is kinda silly: I just didn’t know where to buy new jewelry! Especially for my cartilage piercings, which require a thicker post/ring.
But at the end of 2023, I started thinking about what I actually wanted my ear jewelry to look like. I’m quite pleased with the piercing locations I’ve picked over the years, but my eclectic mix of gold and silver studs and rings has gotten kind of boring. It’s my starter pack, and by the end of last year I felt like I needed an upgrade.
So I went online and bought a bunch of new pieces — all gold, since I wanted to coordinate. The set arrived about a week into 2024. (New ear, new me, amirite?)
Check it out:
The chain set has got to be my favorite — I think it looks AWESOME. And now I feel silly for being so lazy about not buying any new earrings since 2021. Better late than never, I guess…
I’ll probably get more piercings in the future, but for now I’m just excited to play around with accessorizing. It’s such a small part of my life in the grand scheme of things, but being able to show off my many, many earrings make me feel a lot more confident than if I didn’t have any.
Love this reflection on piercings/self-expression. Also the new earrings look AMAZING!
After our mom died, my sister and I both got sort of matching tattoos to honor her, but also she hated tattoos lol So it was also a coming-of-age, becoming adults thing too. I'd never thought much about that parent-death-to-tattoo-slash-piercing pipeline until I read your piece.