In the Right Place at the Right Time
How I accidentally met the love of my life
For those of you who haven’t heard the news yet: Ryan and I are engaged! He surprised me with a proposal last week.
We had been talking about engagement for a while and bought our rings together about two months ago, so it wasn’t that kind of surprise. But I was left in suspense about where and when he’d propose. And I was especially curious if he’d be able to actually surprise me, since I am very nosy and can be difficult to keep secrets from — even good secrets.
Reader, I am very happy to report that Ryan did, in fact, succeed at catching me off guard. I’m not exaggerating one bit when I say that the proposal was perfect in every way. We were walking on a beautiful, sunny trail along the Chippewa River in Eau Claire, where were were visiting for two short days, when he popped the question.
I didn’t expect him to propose on vacation because I know he doesn’t like to take valuables with him when he travels (smart guy). And I also knew that proposing in a place we’d never been to would require a certain degree of spontaneity (Ryan is often a plan-ahead kind of person).
So by stepping out of his comfort zone, he was able to subvert my expectations and catch my by surprise. And just like that, we’re fiancé/es!
In honor of this exciting news, I thought I’d tell you all the story of how we met. Some of you have definitely heard this one before, but I’ve found myself reflecting on it lately because everything looks different in hindsight.
When Ryan and I first met, there wasn’t some supernatural voice that boomed down from the heavens and declared that we were destined to be married. There wasn’t some Earth-shattering, definitive moment when I looked at him across the room and thought he’s the one, a la West Side Story or some other dramatic tale of romance.
I grew up with a lot of stories from adults in my life about what it would be like to find my future spouse. I admit I had a really idealized version of the whole thing.
Often times, I’d ask older folks that defining question, “how did you know ______ was the one?” And they’d often answer with a simple story.
I could tell from the moment I first saw her.
I remember thinking I wanted to marry him after only our first date.
I knew right away. I just knew.
Of course, not everyone answered this way. But the only stories I remembered — and the ones I wanted most to play out in my own life — were the ones that made love seem so obvious. Like a perfect path was placed before you the moment that person walked into your life.
When I first met Ryan, love was the last thing on my mind. I had just gotten out of a relationship and had no interest in dating. On top of that, I had also just graduated college, moved to a new city, started a new job, and moved into a new apartment.
My life was already full — I was so busy! And there wasn’t a single moment where I thought, man, I really wish I was dating someone right now on top of all this.
But alas, the universe had other plans for me.
Sometime in June 2019, I saw an Instagram post about an upcoming poetry slam at a bar in Milwaukee. I used to go to a lot of poetry and art events back in those days. It was a good way to meet likeminded creatives and also just kill some time outside my apartment.
From what I remember, I messaged my friend Clare and asked if she wanted to go together. If she hadn’t said yes, it’s likely that I wouldn’t have gone at all. The drive was kind of long from my new place, and the poetry slam was also in the middle of the work week. But with a little peer support, I was up for it.
We got to the bar right before the event was supposed to start. People were mingling, and there was no sense of urgency about actually starting the slam (which, to be fair, wasn’t entirely unexpected at events like this).
At some point Clare and I wandered into the back room where all the chairs were set up for the slam, and only one person was sitting down. It was Ryan.
Back in those days, he kept his hair very short and slicked it back with gel. Today, anyone who meets Ryan will almost immediately notice his long, beautiful locks that flow down to his shoulders. Back then he also wore jeans and Doc Martens. I haven’t seen him wear jeans or Doc Martens since around 2020.
Clare and I asked him something like, “do you know when the slam is supposed to start?” And he replied something like, “no, I’m just waiting.” He’s a pretty punctual guy, so it figures that he was the first to find a seat.
Since Clare and I were bored and the slam organizers were clearly running on punk time, we decided to sit with Ryan and chat because there was nothing else to do. We learned that he had just moved to the same suburb as me, which was super weird because I didn’t know anyone else my age who lived there.
I remember my first impression of Ryan was pretty simple. I thought he was cute and interesting, and I wanted to get to know him better. He was quite shy on the outside, and I figured there was a lot more to him than he led on.
I also knew that it would have been nice to have an emergency contact who lived in the same area as me. So I remember thinking, maybe we can become good friends and have each other’s backs if something bad happens.
After all this time, the poetry slam ended up being the least memorable part of the evening. What happened right after the poets left the stage was a little more instrumental in the plot of our relationship.
The slam organizers happened to leave the mics on, likely by accident. So Clare, Ryan, and I decided to read some of our own poetry once the bar’s back room cleared out.
It was from one of his poems that I learned that Ryan had also gotten out of a relationship recently. Like me, he also wasn’t actively looking for someone to date. That took the pressure off of our newfound acquaintanceship — it didn’t have to lead into anything romantic.
As we were getting ready to leave, I asked Ryan if I could add him on Facebook so we could stay in touch.
“Oh, I don’t really use Facebook anymore,” he said. And he just … left the conversation there.
Ohhhhkay, I thought. Is he going to ask me for my number then? But he didn’t.
I waited a beat, then said something like, “well, there’s always the good, old-fashioned phone number…”
He agreed to exchange contact info. I was honestly worried that I’d pressured him into giving me his digits, but he later reassured me that that wasn’t the case. Ryan was just painfully shy and didn’t want to make me uncomfortable if he asked for my number (which would not have been the case, but I appreciated his sense of caution).
I remember Ryan texted me the night after the slam to tell me he had a great time and really enjoyed meeting Clare and I. Then, he asked if we wanted to hang out at another poetry slam that weekend.
And as they say, the rest is history. After that second slam together, we started to spend a lot more time hanging out and quickly forged a bond. It became clear that our connection was becoming more than just a friendship, and we decided to give the dating thing a shot.
Honestly, at the time I’m not sure either of us were banking on things working out this long. We went into the relationship like it was an experiment — testing the hypothesis that we could be a good pair, but also leaving room for other outcomes.
There was never one defining moment where I realized Ryan was the person I wanted to marry. It happened slowly, over the course of days, weeks, years. Little moments of joy, trust, vulnerability, and selflessness kept compounding until I no longer wanted to choose a path in life where he wasn’t by my side.
I think it speaks volumes that the day we met was some small, unsuspecting occasion. We just happened to be in the right place at the right time, and it changed our lives forever. Four years ago I would have never seen a proposal coming, which I think makes our love story all the more beautiful.
So happy for you guys!!! <3
Thank you for writing this all down. It will be fun to read over and over as the years pass. You just never know what life has in store for you.