Christmas is Different Now
I used to think traditions were set in stone, but now I realize that they’re changing all the time.
I celebrated my first Christmas of the year this weekend. My mom came to visit all the way from South Carolina and we spent our time swapping gifts, eating good food, and catching up after not seeing each other since March.
Next week, I’ll celebrate another Christmas with Ryan’s family. And then a week after that we’ll have our final Christmas when my sisters come to town. None of these visits are happening on actual Christmas Day, which is kind of funny to me — but that’s just how it worked out this year.
If you can’t tell, my family is very scattered these days. I won’t get to see any of my grandparents for the holidays this year or spend time with my cousins or aunts and uncles because they all live outside Wisconsin. But I am thankful that most of my immediate family is able (and willing) to travel to spend some time with us.
One of the things no one ever told me about being an adult was how weird holiday traditions can get. Or, at least, how different they can be from the ones you built growing up.
I always thought traditions were something that were set in stone. But now I realize that they’re actually changing all the time. We have to revise our rituals as we get older and lose or gain family members, move cities and states, and see our situations change with jobs, relationships, and just general bandwidth for celebration. That’s just life.
It was only once I hit my 20s that I could look back and see very clearly how much my Christmas traditions changed since I was a kid.
When I was little, Christmas was by far my favorite holiday. I’d get so excited about Santa coming to bring me gifts that I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Most years, I’d sneak downstairs to look at the tree with all the presents under it at 3am before anyone else was awake (sometimes my sisters would also join me).
Then, when we finally got my parents out of bed at 6 or 7am, we’d spend time opening gifts with my mom, dad, and sisters. We’d do a big pancake or waffle breakfast afterwards and then play with our new toys.
Once it was in the early afternoon, we’d head over to my Grandma’s house about 20 minutes away for second Christmas. She’d have more gifts for us, and we’d usually visit with some extended family members from my dad’s side. Then, we’d have a big feast complete with a classic honey glazed ham, mashed potatoes, dinner rolls, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, and probably some other kind of casserole that I’m currently forgetting.
I remember some years eating so much food that I’d feel sick and then coming back for dessert anyway. Christmas in those days was all about abundance — we celebrated by indulging in all the good things.
Once I got older and went off to college in Wisconsin, I still came back home for the holidays and did the usual Christmas routine with my family. But things changed a lot when I was 20 because my dad died. I really don’t remember much from the first Christmas without him, but when I go back through my photos I see that a lot of my mom’s extended East Coast family came out to visit.
We definitely still went to Grandma’s that year, but the holiday season really just hasn’t been the same since. The following Christmas, in 2019, Ryan came to Michigan to meet my family for the first time. And in 2020, I didn’t go back home because of Covid. And since then there have been a number of marriages and relocations that have shaken up the Christmas traditions that I’ve been following for as long as I can remember.
Which brings me to the 2024 holiday season. My immediate family lives all over the country now and it’s not so easy for us to get together anymore. So we’ve had to build new traditions.
So far, that looks like celebrating several Christmases with different parts of the family at different times. Ryan and I have a big enough space to host guests, though only one or two at a time. This year and last year, we invited people over and staggered visits so we can spend time with each of them separately.
Nowadays, Christmas is all about spending time with loved ones that we don’t get to see often. We still give gifts and eat good food, but our visitors are the main event.
It’s made me realize that I took something pretty major for granted: the fact that a lot of my family lived close together when I was a kid. Having a big crowd for the holidays isn’t a given, but I didn’t know that at the time. Nor is the promise that we’ll be able to see everyone we want to see — either because they can’t travel or they simply aren’t around anymore.
All I can do now is make the most of the present and acknowledge that our traditions will only keep changing as our lives change, too.
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I really took for granted when I was younger the ability to gather with my entire family due to having flexible schedules or whatnot. Even if we lived in different states, it felt like we still managed to mostly gather for the holidays in my early and mid-20s. Now, everyone not only lives in separate places but also schedules and my brother now has his own laws etc means that we don’t necessarily meet up for thanksgiving and/or Christmas but other times of the year. I do miss the old times but I also know that our holiday traditions have to change and evolve over time because humans are always changing. I’m spending the holidays this year going more to Christmas light shows with my partner and that’s been lovely. Here’s to new experiences.