Good morning, it’s Monday, and I’m unemployed. Oh wait, actually it’s the afternoon already, but that doesn’t change things much, does it?
If you follow me on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Instagram, you’ve probably seen the news that I’ve been laid off from Inverse after two years as a staff writer there. Physically and financially I’ll (probably) be fine — we got severance thanks to the multi-year union effort and I’m glad that at this point in time I am in good health and have a roof over my head.
Otherwise, emotionally and mentally, I’m doing less great. It’s a weird time since I’ve never lost a job before, nonetheless one I really enjoyed. Inverse was an incredible place to work and I felt like I was finally hitting my stride as a reporter after having to navigate so many changes in staff structure and job responsibilities since I arrived in 2021. It was a part time role, and I’d been freelancing on the side the whole time I was there — but some of the stuff I’m most proud of in my journalism career was published on that site.
The one thing they don’t talk about enough with layoffs is how disorienting they are. It’s hard to explain the emptiness I feel now when I wake up in the morning on a weekday and there’s no real reason to get out of bed. Should I go search for jobs? Pitch some freelance stories? Clean up the house? Exercise? Go back to sleep? Every choice feels equally drab, and if I settle on one thing, I feel guilty that I’m not doing the other things instead.
To be fair, I am notorious for being horrible at distancing my life from my work, which I partially blame for my current state of discontent. When I made the conscious decision to go to college for journalism, my 17-year-old mind couldn’t grasp that going into this field meant I would permanently commodify my favorite hobby. Rarely these days do I write for fun. It has to be a way to financially support myself, unlock newer and better professional opportunities, and build some sort of “legacy.”
Hence why being an unemployed writer feels so bad. Without consistent bylines and something to work on every day, I feel obsolete. I’ve deeply internalized the idea that my self-worth is equivalent to the quality and frequency of my work — which is very common in creative fields in general. Sadly I don’t have any good advice for how to reframe things, but I hope me writing about all this can give some sense of camaraderie to anyone reading this who has gone through a similar challenge.
I hope this newsletter doesn’t always have such a depressing tone, but it felt necessary to let you all know where I’m at right now. This is the closest thing I have to a diary at the moment, minus the actual diary I have that has been sitting in my dresser drawer, untouched, for months.
Anyway, I’ll be back next Monday with another short essay. I think Monday mornings are the best time for a newsletter, right?
I’m imagining you all at your desks, opening your emails for the first time since the weekend and looking for any excuse to distract yourselves from starting on your tasks ahead. Originally I was thinking of doing Sunday night, but who the hell wants to check their email on a Sunday night?? Understandable if you work that day or like to plan for the week. But everyone else should be straight up ignoring their inbox ‘til the work week starts.
Before I go, here are a few links:
-Here’s an Adweek article about the Inverse/BDG layoffs: https://www.adweek.com/media/bdg-layoffs-fourth-round/
-Here’s my Inverse profile if you’d like to peruse my old work: https://www.inverse.com/profile/jennifer-walter-78460536
-My LinkedIn, which I don’t use much, but if you want to help me out and interact with my last post about being unemployed, I’d greatly appreciate it: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-walter-65198510a/